The Hiatus is Over.

Sometimes, without realizing it, three months can pass by. Not because nothing significant happens, but because life is just too damned overwhelming.

I didn't mean to have the past three months go undocumented. But it did. I had to take a hiatus from every single social networking site. That's right, I had to. September, October, and November were the most significant, yet overwhelming months for me in New York. However, I'm not going to give an update on those. I would just be overwhelming myself yet again. Ain't gonna happen.

So here we are in December. A lot of people look to January to get their fresh start, new beginning, or whatever they want to call it. I'm getting a head start with December. I've moved into a real, big-girl NYC apartment. I have a job that allows me to stay there. I've got a plan to get my health and career back on track. This is seriously significant.

Now I'm not going to pretend that I'm going to be fantastic at blogging -- let's get real. I never was. That being said, I have a lot of fabulous things to look forward to and I need to see that right now...and in the future. Blogging will be my way of documenting all these wonderful things.

Because it's at the forefront of my mind and clouding up much of my thoughts, I'm going to put it out there. Relationships. Not any type of relationship in particular...just relationships in general. They are mighty complicated. They require time and attention. And if they are important to you, you will nurture them. If you don't take the time to tend to a relationship, then clearly it isn't all that important to you. Maybe one might go as far to say that perhaps it is important to you, just not at this time. This is where it gets tricky. Now, I'm thinking of one relationship in particular in my own life. It's the one I *sorta* have with my brothers.

Last year, I went to Japan to prove to my brothers that they too can do anything they put their minds to; however, I feel like they don't do things that show they are living up to their full potential. This is so hard for me to witness because I know they are both so smart. So much smarter than me. Seriously. These kids are so bright that it hurts for me to know that they aren't doing what they could be doing. Now, I'm not saying they need to be rocket scientists or anything, but at least doing something that they are good at, passionate about, and makes them proud of themselves.

I have backed off from communicating with them. Some of that does have to do with the heartache I feel when I talk to them. And part of it is because I have had to be so wrapped up in my own life just trying to get my life together. At this point, I can honestly say that I am disappointed with my lack of attention to them and our relationship. I am now in December where things are starting to come together slowly, but surely...and I am now in a place where I am willing and able to put in the time and attention. And now, I just need to do it.

Another type of relationship that has me baffled is romantic relationships. Geez, I could write a novel about my thoughts and confusion, and thoughts on the confusion, but I'm too exhausted to even go there. But it is one that I need to spend more time thinking about -- once I'm up to it.

Relationships are complicated and I think the most difficult one of all is the one we must have with ourselves. That's the one that we base all of our relationships upon. Lately, I've found myself saying things like, "I'm awesome" with a somewhat sarcastic tone, but I do mean it. Deep down, I know I am awesome. (Bad days aside.) And anyone who is in my life knows it too. And more than that, they are pretty awesome themselves. If someone isn't awesome or doesn't know how awesome I am, they won't be around very long. A lesson I learned from a relationship that started in November. It's too early to tell, but from what I can discern, they don't know how awesome I am and haven't proven to be awesome either. I'm doubtful they'll be around much longer unless that changes. Harsh? I don't think so. Really.

Think about it. If someone doesn't appreciate you and doesn't bring anything to the table themselves, why would they be in your life? Exactly...they wouldn't. Or rather, shouldn't. Perhaps it's the exhaustion or something else talking, but in order to want the best in and around your life, you need to know you are worth it. And although this year has taken it's toll on my relationship with myself, the progress I made in Japan has stuck around a little...enough so that I know I need and deserve awesome people and relationships. And that's pretty kick-ass.